Back in the ’70s, I took a psychology class at Kankakee Community College in Illinois. I remember the teacher saying men reached their sexual peak at 18 and women at 30. She also said men usually climax in 3 to 5 minutes; women took 20 minutes and needed both physical and mental stimulation. (I need you to remember, I don't know what I had for breakfast yesterday, but this information has stuck in my brain for over 40 years.)
In my day job, I often see committed couples in their eighties. I see men and woman of all ages who are returning to the “dating” scene, widows and widowers who really want to enjoy all life still has to offer. Not to go on and on, but additionally people living with disabilities who possibly need adaptive equipment and understanding partners. People who are transgendered live with their own special issues. Anxiety and sexual concern is not limited to anyone.
The questions I am asked are quite similar. “Why can’t I have an orgasm?” “Does sex have to hurt?” “I am so dry down there, can cannabis help?” “I hate my body, how can I let anyone else enjoy it?”
The good news is sexual pleasure is not limited to either those 18-year-old boys or those 30-year-old women. You can find pleasure in your life at any age, by yourself or with a partner.
Before I move on, I want to offer a special thanks to Andy Duran from Good Vibrations for the class he recently taught, “Sex, Seniors and Cannabis.” One of the most important things Andy said, that I want to make sure everyone remembers, is “You have to tell your partner what you want or need! Communication may be the key to a great sex life. (I am still chuckling at something else Andy said: “Someday my prince will come and so will I.”
Communication is critical in both new and existing relationships where achieving sexual pleasure may have been impacted by medications like anti-hypertensives, injury, hormonal changes, decreasing flexibility, anxiety, lack of libido, and fatigue. Performance anxiety can affect success.
A quote, attributed to Evelyn Waugh, says, “If a thing is worth doing at all, it is worth doing well.” It’s time to take the mystery out of sex. You are entitled to enjoy pleasure. Really. And cannabis can help.
Before we get to cannabis though, after reading a recent article in Women’s Day titled “10 Surprising Reasons You're Not Having an Orgasm,” I made additions to my list. Their list included: You forget to pee, you’re afraid to lose control, you don't want make noise, you don't masturbate, and you don't drink enough water. If any of these are on your personal list, you can work on them.
Here though is just one tip: completely empty your bladder before engaging in sex. Did you know that women may “squirt” fluid from the urethra during sex? For some, this can be a little embarrassing. It shouldn't be though. Kegel exercises may help. Imagine you are trying to stop the flow of urine. Squeeze your pelvic floor muscles. Practice several times a day. You can do Kegels when stopped at a red light.
Let’s Talk About Cannabis
Cannabis, smoked or vaped, used prior to or during sex, may reduce anxiety. These methods of ingestion are fast-acting, but have a short duration. Both partners can relax and enjoy new sensations. You may want to have a cup of infused tea or enjoy an infused sparkling juice. Kikuko makes a Sensuali-Tea. Their product flyer says it is great for lovemaking and that THC reportedly helps the brain’s arousal signals. I bought some tea and am going to try it soon. It takes about an hour to work. Light a fire, burn a candle, set the mood.
How about eating a medicated cookie? Just remember, edibles can take up to several hours to become effective. Plan ahead. This could leave extra time for foreplay. Pay attention to the dose you select. Too much cannabis will not make for a good experience.
Perhaps take a lovely bath together using an infused soap like the one by Leef Organics called Nooks+Crannies. They smell wonderful and leave your skin tingling. You can follow up with an infused body lotion. Honey Pot’s lotion is great for a massage and smells good. Some say it is tasty when licked off. Be careful though, it is not meant to be an edible. Start this low and slow, just like when you start cannabis use. Allow time for your body to adjust.
There are actually products, such as Viva La V by Cosmic View, that can be used internally to “replenish and rejuvenate, protect and repair intimate skin.” This can be used several times, over a period of days, to improve vaginal health. It also provides some lubrication and increases secretions during sexual contact.
Velvet Swing is another product you can use for longer lasting and more intense organisms. It’s for men, women.. It’s a lubricant and contains both THC and CBD, but should not get you high.
Tinctures are good for anxiety or pain relief before you begin intimate contact. Relax.. This may give you “permission” to ask for what you want. Tinctures take effect in less than 15 minutes and may work for a couple of hours.
So, smoke a joint, enjoy an edible, try an infused drink. Practice communication about your wants and needs.
Take the mystery out of sex. Communicate clearly. Use cannabis wisely as a game changer. Enjoy.